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Why aren't you happy?

Corporate Americaby Mickey Z.

True happiness is out there.

Pop songs, sit-coms, Julia Roberts movies, even commercials make it crystal clear that others have it all figured out. Love, sex, money, looks, health, and more—tied up neatly in anywhere from 30 seconds to 90 minutes. Others have it all. So, why has happiness eluded you? Could it be you have the wrong job? The wrong skin color? The wrong body? The wrong attitude? Are you just too stupid and lazy to get it?

Don’t you realize all those brave men and women are over there dying so you can be happy? Why are you letting those heroes down? You're not anti-American, are you?

Everyone else lives in a huge, clean, nicely furnished home. If you don't believe me, just turn on your TV and see for yourself. Their kids are attractive and funny. Their mates may have a few minor (humorous) imperfections but that's what makes them just perfect. Their car is shiny and never breaks down. Their pets never shit on the rug. Their bosses respect them. Their friends support them unconditionally. They own all the latest gear, the latest fashions. Their butts are firm, their biceps bulge. They always say the right thing. You, on the other hand, are a complete fuckin' loser.

But there's hope for you, if you're willing to chase it.

The right TV shows, the right clothes, the right car, the right slang, the right diet, the right hairdo, the right consumer electronics, the right behavior: every bit of it can be purchased now…for a limited time only. While supplies last. First come, first served. Buy one, get another at half-price. But make sure you buy, spend, consume, and chase, chase, chase. Happiness is out there. You know it is because you see it every night on your TV screen. It's your turn…unless it's not. Unless you're a complete fuckin' loser.

In that case, you just need to chase harder. Much harder. The most important move you can make is always keep chasing. Happiness is out there. You see it every night on your TV screen. You don't want to be like those people who live in bad neighborhoods with lousy jobs and criminals for kids. They're in that mess because they're too stupid and lazy to chase happiness. They asked for it and got what they deserved. They are complete fuckin' losers. Not you. You have potential…the potential to spend and consume and buy and chase until you're just like all your fabulous friends on TV.

And one more thing: You know all those treehuggers who tell you about the negative impact of your consumption? Fuck them. They are the biggest fuckin' losers of all.

You deserve the best so get out there and chase it…all day long…until your last, dying breath.

If you don't, the terrorists win.

When it comes to true happiness, you're either with us or against us.

(This message was brought to you by your friends in Corporate America…raping the environment and exploiting the non-rich for more than a century.)

Until the laws are changed or the power runs out, Mickey Z. can be found on the Web at

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